Are You a Beta Male?

What Is A Beta Male?

Are you a beta male? Do you wish your life was different because you are unhappy with the life you are living? Keep reading to find out if you are a beta male. The world is populated by beta males.

The worst thing you can be is an uneducated male that has beta male tendencies.

Knowing you are a beta male and why you are beta is the first step in becoming Alpha. Below we list out the beta male traits and beta male characteristics so you can see where you fall in the spectrum of beta. Let’s briefly describe how one becomes a Beta Male…

How Are Beta Males are Created

We are born we are helpless. You do not come into this world as an alpha male or a beta male. There are several ideas about why we some of us are beta males.

• Evolution
• The way a child is raised
• The rise of the feminist movement
• The lack of a father figure

You can argue that beta males are raised or through life events or through evolution. We go into this in more detail in The Book of Alpha. Beta males usually lack an alpha mentor like a father figure or a good role model. The masculine father figure was replaced by a women that raised her boy into a beta male. This caused boys growing into men to believe that a women’s definition of a man was right. And any other idea of a man was wrong. Other’s may argue that we are all descendants of beta male cavemen. When cavemen lived in a small society populated by very few people, any cavemen that stood out or acted alpha became an outcast. These alpha males were looked down upon by everyone including the opposite sex, which resulted in alpha males not reproducing. As a result only beta males reproduced.

The goal is to stop being a beta male.

The idea of how beta males come about can be debated forever. We don’t want to waste too much time here pondering why beta males are beta males, but rather show you what is a beta male so one can take the right steps to begin to be alpha.

Beta male characteristics / Beta Male Traits

The goal of the below is to list out traits and characteristics of a beta male so you can tell if you are beta. If you are, then do yourself a favor and learn the traits and characteristics of an alpha male and take control of your life.

Focused on doing what other’s want them to do

Beta males never rock the boat. They are afraid to stand out. Betas do as they are told and nothing more because they don’t want to get in trouble or get anyone upset. They are trained to color within the lines and not say anything that could embarrass themselves or anyone else.

Too Nice

Beta males are often viewed as being “the nice guy”. Betas are always seeking external approval so they shy away from doing anything that could be considered rude. They go out of their way to please people, subconsciously trying to “win” one’s affection or approval over. Beta males love to be liked. And hate to be disliked.

Always Searching for Perfection

Beta males think they need to be perfect. They think people will like them or respect them more if they have are perfect. Betas try to have all the answers, help everyone, look good, have their hair perfect, be the guy that everyone wants them to be. Essentially they make life choices in hopes of obtaining other people’s approval.

Avoids Conflict and Confrontation

Like we said above, beta males have a desire to be liked and wanted. The beta male will avoid conflicts at all costs. This includes disagreeing with other people’s views and statements, to not saying something or asking for something because the fear of a bad reaction. Beta males would rather keep their mouth shut and stay on someone’s good side than upset them. Beta males are afraid of a lot of things, including their own shadows. They don’t want to be called out or get into an argument because they are afraid of people thinking poorly of them. Betas are fearful of the potential consequences of confrontations.

Resentful

Beta males keep score. If they do a favor for someone, they expect pay back. They don’t do things just to do them. The beta male resents people for what they have and who they are. The beta male resents people when they feel taken advantage of. They don’t make their feelings known to others but secretly resent individuals or groups of people because they feel wronged. The beta wishes others feel how they feel and try to sabotage situations to get back at people.

Require Hand Holding

Beta males want to be told what to do. They often say the following:

• What do you want me to do?
• Just tell me what you want and I’ll do it

Betas are afraid to take the lead and take control of a situation. They don’t want to mess up and do something wrong so they want people to give them instructions. Beta males don’t think of this as “holding my hand.” They believe this is the way they can get people to like them. If they are told what to do and they do that job, then everyone wins. No one really respects an individual that never takes the lead or figures things out themselves.

Someone that is always asking “is this okay?….is this right?….is this how you want me to do it…?” comes off as a follower and never a leader.

Passive aggressive

Beta males are very indirect. They will never tell you how they really feel. They will do it in a way to try to avoid conflict. The ways a beta male show they are unhappy is through indirect resistance. They will do some of the following:

• Pout
• Avoid you
• Ignore you
• Misplace or hide things on purpose
• Give off a little attitude
• Roll their eyes but not in front of you
• Fail on purpose
• Not give 100%
• Use sarcasm
• Say hostile jokes
• Say something they dislike and try to change the subject really quickly

Sensitive and Emotional

Beta males believe it is them against the world. When things do not go right they get very upset to the point that they might even cry. When someone says something about them or something associated with the beta male, he believes they are making fun of him or trying to upset him. The beta male gets really upset at this. Even if its all in good fun. If betas do not get what they want, be it something big or something small, they get really upset. They get emotional. They want to scream, punch a hole in the wall, or just turn red in the face.

Fake Nice

Beta males try to be on everyone’s good side. When that doesn’t work they can lash out because they think they are “tough.” All they end up doing is turning people off. Being fake nice and trying to intimidate someone does not work. Beta males do not realize this.

Seek approval from others

If you didn’t realize already, beta males want others to like them. It’s one of their biggest desires in life. They’ll do almost anything to get the approval of others. This includes:

• Over promising (always saying yes)
• Buying material items to “fit in”
• Going out of their way to do something for someone
• Putting someone else’s needs first
• Always trying to be the solution guy

Beta males need this external validation from others to feel they are important and wanted.

Hiding mistakes and flaws

Beta males never want to admit they made a mistake or an error. They would rather try to blame someone else for the mistake or hide the mistake for as long as possible, hoping never to get caught or called out. In terms of flaws, beta males try to be perfect. So they go out of their way to try to pretend there is nothing wrong with them and they are perfect little angels. Beta males believe they need to be perfect. This is due to the fact that they do not want to upset or disappoint anyone. Even though in the end this may hurt them more than help them.

Not seen as sexual

Beta males are the nice guy. They are the friend of the girl that they want to sleep with. They aren’t aggressive. No one thinks “sexy” or “sexual” when they think of a beta male. Others associate beta males with sexless or bad in bed. The beta is the guy that tries to buy his way into a girls pants. He wants to go in for the kiss or go in for the kill but is afraid. The beta male hides his sexual desires from the world because he believes wanting sex or love is wrong. He wants everyone to think highly of him and not to associate him with the word “creep” or “player”.

More comfortable around women than men

Beta males don’t like to associate with a lot of masculine men because they think the way these alpha males act is wrong. Betas are taught to think that the ideal man is the beta male. Because of this, beta males relate more two women than men. Betas believe they have very little in common with other men, although their hidden desires may be similar. Betas are ashamed to be like other men so they stay away from them. Girls are a beta males best friend.

The problem solver

Beta males have answers to everything. They never said “I don’t know” or “That is not possible.” They are the ones that say yes, yes yes! Or try to come up with reasons for everything. The beta needs to be the guy that people turn to for all their problems. They are there to listen and give their opinion. They want to make everything right. And that is fine. But sometimes it’s not possible. Worst of all, the beta wants to solve problems for everyone hoping to get more people to like them and eventually repay them in some way in the future. When they receive no reciprocation for their efforts they get very resentful.

Repress their feelings

Betas have desires and feelings just like any other man (or women). The difference between a beta and an alpha male is the beta will hide his desires. He doesn’t want people to judge him.

• If he desires a women he won’t let anyone know. He doesn’t want to get caught having sexual feelings toward someone else.
• If he is upset at someone, he will hold it all in as long as he can. He doesn’t want anyone to know.

What ends up happening is the beta male gets so frustrated with all his repressed feelings that it boils over and he blows up. He starts to hate others and believes they are the root of his problems.

Feels Guilty

Betas feel guilty if they do things they want to do. In order to not feel guilty, they do things other people want them to do instead.

• If their parents want them to get good grades and they don’t get an A, they feel guilty.
• If they look at a girl and have sexual thoughts, they feel guilty.
• If they buy something for themselves, they feel guilty for doing something nice for themselves.
• If they want to change who they are (like becoming an alpha male), they feel guilty for wanting to be different.
• If they want to do something the social circle wants to do, they feel guilty for speaking up.

Feeling guilty is a terrible feeling so betas try not to do things that make them feel guilty. This includes not letting other people down.

Non-masculine

If you’ve read down this far you should realize that beta males are sensitive and emotional. They are not masculine. Betas are not seen in the same light as an alpha male. Betas sabotage themselves not only by how they think but by what they do. Betas are soft and would back down from any confrontation. They are not seen as protectors.

Does not put himself first

Worst of all is that beta males put the needs of others ahead of their own. This is the sad reality of a beta male. The decisions a beta makes are not his alone. He makes choices based on how others will react or with the feelings of others in mind. The beta does not live the life he wants because he is living the life he believes other people want him to live. Betas want to be loved. They want people to like them. They want to be seen as perfect. To a beta male, the only way to be perfect is to do the things other people want them to do, not what he wants to do. Sadly, this makes the beta male resent almost everyone he knows when life doesn’t work out how he really wants it to. At the end of the day the beta male is unhappy and living an unfulfilled life.

You’re Not Alone

If you’ve read the traits and characteristics of a beta male and find that you fit the mold, understand that being a beta male is a choice.

You can be alpha. You will be alpha if you choose to be.

The journey to being an alpha male is not easy. But anyone that has gone through it and made it to the other side know how beautiful life can really be. You can live the life you want.

Want to learn more?

Questions about being an Alpha Man

To Be Alpha has received a lot of questions from alpha males, aspiring alpha males and beta males throughout the past year.

A lot of these questions are asked by multiple people. Instead of just answer them each time, it’s better that we put a frequently asked question section.

Frequently Asked Questions

Can I really be alpha?

Yes you can. You make a decision to be who you are. If you need more help check this post on being alpha.

Do I have to sleep with a lot of women to be alpha?

Alpha is about doing what you want. Don’t go around comparing yourself to others as a measuring stick. Your success needs to be measured on your own expectations and standards. You can sleep with as many or as few women as possible.
For more help on relationships check out the dating and relationships section.

I don’t know how to fight so can I be alpha?

Fighting isn’t alpha. Defending yourself and others is. You can learn how to fight if you want – it might help with your mentality but it’s not necessary.

I didn’t go to a top college or have a really good job, am I screwed for life?

Not at all. What is it you’re trying to achieve in life? If it’s getting a great education, it’s never too late to go back to school. If its to make a lot of money, there are plenty of ways to do that.
It’s not the best example but there are plenty of people that didn’t even go to college and have really great lives.
You’re not screwed. If you think you are – check out the website a bit more and get the help you need.

Do I have to be tall to be alpha?

The truth is it’s easier if you’re taller. Size matters.
But don’t be too concerned if you’re not tall. There’s not much you can do about your height unless you want to buy some of these.
What you should focus on is what you can do. Having a bigger presence and working on having really solid body language. That will help.

What is the best way to be alpha?

Check out the alpha section.

I don’t want to be a dick. I am a nice guy and I like it. What should I do?

Well you don’t have to be a dick to be alpha. There is a misconception of what an alpha male is and what he isn’t.
Check out The Myth of the Alpha Male.
You can be alpha without being a dick.

Where should I start?

Get your priorities straight. It doesn’t matter where you start. Taking action is what is important.
It all starts with a single step.

I’m not rich. How am I going to be alpha?

Money doesn’t make you alpha. This is part of the myth of being alpha.

I know I need to change what I wear but I don’t know what to do. Help me.

We have an entire section on fashion. We provide you with the essentials and tips on how to put together a look.

Do I really have to work out?

No, but you should. It will make you feel better, you’ll probably look better and other people will look at you differently.

Want more?

Top Ten Rules of Being an Alpha Man

The 10 Rules of Alpha

1. Man up (grow some balls)

Nothing is more Alpha than having balls. You need to go after what you want in life or you will just be another average Joe that accepts life for what it is.
We’re talking about if you want to do something like move across the country, go back to school, learn a new skill, approach a hot chick, jump out of a plane, defend yourself…whatever it is. You need to have a pair of balls and man the fuck up.
People will respect  you more if you are a real man and do what a man is supposed to do. This mean’s not being a scared little bitch (to put it nicely).

2. Be Dominant

This one goes without saying, really. If you want to be alpha, you need to be dominant. You need to take charge. Be a leader. Be the best
Being dominant means being direct. It means being in control and taking the lead. You give directions, you tell people what to do. You are in a position of power. You dominate everything because you are the best and people respect that.

3. Have The Killer Instinct (be competitive)

Being alpha is about being a winner. There are a variety of ways to win.
The will to win is more  important than skill itself. Having the killer instinct and wanting succcess more than anyone else is how you will succeed in life and be alpha.
Out working your competition and go for the kill. You do whatever it takes to win…that is the killer instinct. This trait is what all highly successful people have. They are out for blood. Alphas expect to win, always. And they don’t just win, they make sure you know they won by destroying their competition.

4. Work Out (Be Athletic)

Don’t be soft. Don’t be a lazy fat loser. When society stereotypes an alpha male, they think of a muscular male that has defined muscle mass. You don’t have to go and become a body builder on steriods but get fit. Be athletic. Get in shape.
Don’t try to be alpha in all parts of your life except the physical aspect. This is also important. You don’t want to be that joke that doesn’t know how to run or throw a ball. What we call a beta male, other’s call a girly man. Working out helps you out mentally and physically,  you’ll feel stronger and more confident about your body and physical appearance.

5. Perseverance

Alpha males never give up. They might fail and try again, but they will never just quit. Average men (beta males) quit. Perseverance is what separates winners from losers.
When the going gets tough or something looks impossible, beta males will just say it’s impossible. Or if a beta male fails once, he says it can’t be done. An alpha male on the other hand knows that he might struggle with something for awhile, but if he keeps trying and breaks through whatever barrier he’s facing, he will succeed.
Never give up.

6. Look the Part

It’s going to be hard to be taken seriously as an alpha male if you dress like shit. You don’t need to become a fashionista but dressing well is important andplays a role in being alpha.
Everyone stereotypes someone else in the first few seconds that they see them. If you dress like a clown, you will be stereotyped as a clown. Know what fits, what is in fashion, who your audience is, and look the part – just better than everyone else.

7. Take Chances

If you want to be alpha, you have to take chances. You have to take risks. No risk, no reward.
You can play it safe your entire life, but you’ll be like every other beta male in this world. Or you can take a chances and potentially be rewarded in life. Don’t live life wonder “what if”, just go for it and see what happens. People respect others that take chances and wish they could do the same.

8. Be Mentally Tough

Believing in yourself and your ability. The never say never attitude. Are you going to fold under pressure, are you going to give up and go home and cry when things go wrong? Or are you going to stay mentally strong in the face of adversity?
Lots of men have a very weak mentality. They lose before they even start because they don’t really have the right mentality. Have convictions in your ideas, don’t be swayed by pressure or external factors. Keep going when others would give up.
Don’t break under pressure. Don’t be a pussy.

9. Be Charasmatic

Alpha males have a special aura that ordinary people do not. They are able to connect with others on a level that makes people leave with a great impression. Others think highly of the alpha male because there is just “something special” about him.
Smile. Connect. Share stories and interests. Compliment. Joke around. Don’t take life so seriously. Be someone people get addicted to and can’t wait to be around you again.

10. Take Responsibility

No one owes you anything. This is your life. Alpha males understand this. They take responsibility and hold themselves accountable. Alpha males know that they need to take control of their own life, they do not go around blaming others or thinking other people are just luckier than them.
Hold yourself accountable for your actions and your life. If you want something, you need to go get it. No one is going to spoon feed you.

Bonus: Enjoy Life

Life is too short to be miserable. Whether you are young or old, you should always enjoy the journey. You will get to where you want to get if you are focused.
Don’t take life so seriously that you put so much pressure on yourself. You will live a very sad life that is full of stress and worry. Ultimately, life is meant to be lived. No matter where you are in life, be grateful that you can change your circumstances if you want to.

Want to learn more?

What is an Alpha Male?

Alpha Male Characteristics

You can become alpha. But first you need to know what an alpha male is.
The problem most men and women that want to be alpha face is a lack of knowledge and guidance on the traits and characteristics necessary to become alpha.
Here we simplify everything for you with guidelines to being alpha.

What Are Alpha Male Characteristics?

Confident

Alpha males know they are the shit. Whether they are or not to someone else doesn’t really matter. Alpha males believe in themselves and aren’t afraid to show it physically, vocally or through action and thoughts.
When’s the last time you saw an alpha male that was afraid or second guessing themselves? Usually they just go for it because they are that confident.
But If they Fail…

Have Intangibles (Mentally Tough)

When I say intangibles, I’m talking about the right mentality. Alphas always think they are  a winner. Sure they might fail once in awhile, but they get over it really fast and just move on.
They know that they will eventually succeed if they keep trying. Alpha males do not give up just because they failed once

Competitive

Alpha males don’t like to lose. They want to win.

• They don’t just want to win, they want to beat the hell out of you and make you remember they won.

• Everything they do in life is a competition. They want to be the best. Competition drives them. But they don’t do it to show off. It’s because they truly believe they should be winning all the time.

Make competition your friend. It will make you better in all parts of your life.

Alpha Males Have Presence

Size matters.
But not in the sense that you just get lucky if you’re born fat or tall. You can still look like a beta male if you don’t have presence. Presence is what people turn and look at when an alpha walks in the door. It’s the larger than life figure that stands before you.
Alphas make themselves bigger and give themselves presence – it comes from body language, vocals, how they carry themselves.

Have Strong Body Language

Alphas know what it means to not only be confident but to show confidence. Its all in the body language.

• How they stand.
• How they walk.
• What they look at.
• Where there hands are.

Alpha males have alpha male body language (if you didn’t know, now you know – click on the link!).

Walk Like The Shit

Alpha males have swagger. They have a pep in their step. They don’t walk like an average man. They walk with meaning. They walk like they are in control and know where they are going.
Alpha males walk slow but with strong steps. Unlike a beta male who just walks fast or uses a walk to get from point A to point B, an alpha male knows his walk can make him stand out.

Position Themselves

Alpha males understand something many other people do not, which is that the alpha is always in a powerful position.
What does this mean?
It means an alpha male knows where to stand and be seated to be in a powerful  position. Ever wonder why the head of the table sits at the head of the table? Or a leader sits in the middle of a table? Alpha males do. They also know where to stand in a group setting to be in control.
Alpha males not only know where to sit and stand but they understand that to be taken seriously and be in a dominant position, they need to be closest to resources that other people want.

Dominant

Alpha males take control. They are dominant. They tell people what to do. They are direct. They take over situations when necessary. Alpha males are seen as powerful. They are the king of the mountain.

Take Chances

Alpha males are risk takers. They don’t stay within their comfort zone. This is why they are seen as elite.
Alpha males know that in order to have something they don’t have, they need to go get it. People always wonder why someone has something they don’t have. Is it luck? Was it given to them? Not necessarily. Sometimes it’s called, just being alpha.

Alpha Males Get The Girl

While beta males are oogling and gaga-ing over girls or making excuses about why they aren’t going to talk to her. An Alpha male steps up and gets the girl. Alphas are not afraid to express their sexuality. They understand their role as a man. They get the girl. And if they don’t get the girl, they’ll try again.

Vocal and Loud

Alpha males have solid voices. It could be deep, it could not be. But it usually is deep. All that matters is that when they talk, they are heard.
Alphas not only talk loud enough for everyone to hear them but they talk because they know what they are talking about. If an alpha male has something to say, he will say it.

Strong Eye Contact

Alpha males are not afraid to look other people in the eyes. They are not afraid to look at people in general.
They don’t hide the fact that they are looking at someone like a beta male does. Alphas understand that looking someone in the eyes shows confidence and dominance.
Alpha males know the right amount of eye contact to use and how to use it correctly.

Aren’t Afraid To Get Physical

Alphas are okay with touching. This can be as simple as a pat on the back, a firm hand shake or a chest bump (yea I said it).
But even more so, alpha males are very comfortable getting physical with the opposite sex. They are willing to show how they feel about others through touch. Alphas know their limits with physical contact but are not afraid to express themselves with it.

Calm Under Pressure

Alphas don’t over react or get emotional. Even if they have concerns or are freaking out, they rarely show weakness to others. They’ll put on a good front.
For the most part, alpha males will remain calm and rational in all situations. They understand that a leader does not show weakness.

Know How To Dress

Looking the part of an alpha male is important. Fashion plays an important role in perception.
If you dress like a clown, it’s likely you won’t get the respect you deserve as an alpha male. Alpha males understand their audience and what appeals to them. Then create a style based on that.
Take an interest in fashion, it separates the men from the boys.

Strong

You are what you eat. You are what you lift. You are what you feel. Alpha males know being in shape can make your  life a lot easier.
People, including women, are attracted to a physically fit man. They like a man that is strong and can protect them. It’s never too late to start. Get in shape. Be fit. You’ll be seen as more masculine and physically dominating.

Non-reactive

Alpha males rarely get emotional like beta males.
Beta males complain about life not being fair, whine about petty things, snap at people when they don’t get their way, and run away or back down when confronted by someone else.

• Alpha males are level minded and stick to their convictions when challenged.
• If something doesn’t go right, Alpha males move on. They try again. If someone doesn’t like them. They don’t care. It’s a part of life.

Learn to be non-reactive. Most of the things you encounter in life are not that big of a deal.

Do Not Need External Validation

Alpha males are not out to get approval from others.
They live in their own world and have their own ideas of right and wrong. They do what makes them happy, not what makes other people happy. Happiness comes from within, not from others. Once you learn and accept this, your life will be more alpha.

Not Afraid to Stand Out

Alphas are okay being different. This means dressing how you want to dress. Saying what you want to say. Doing what you want to do.
Alphas do not follow the herd mentality of having to fit in. They aren’t afraid to rock the boat. Alphas do what they want because they can. And so can you.

Saying No

Alpha males have the power to say no. Beta males are afraid of the consequences of saying no. Having the power to say no is one of the most alpha things you can do for yourself.

Do Not Try To Be Everyone’s Friend

There’s truth to the saying “you can’t make everyone happy.” If you’re out to be everyone’s friend it will be hard to be a leader or an alpha male. Alphas do what’s right and sometimes that involves making tough decisions that some people are not happy with.

Perseverance

Above all else, alpha males don’t give up. They work hard. They continue to try until they succeed.

When the tough gets going, so does an alpha male.

An alpha male has thick skin and understands that pain is temporary and glory is forever.

Being Alpha

By building a solid framework to work off of, you can become alpha. Don’t only read the characteristics of an alpha male but find out what you need to work on and improve on that.
You might have more to work on than others. It doesn’t matter where you start, it’s where you finish.

Now that you know what one is, become one: